Scotty "The Body Too Hottie" Conley

Ollie into this bank??? I still can't believe El Cuerpo did this.
Classic sweat pant ollie with his yang blowing in the wind.

When Scotty and I were first introduced I was working at a local Brandon, FL skate shop known as Skillz. The owner, Jeremy, would say to me “There’s this kid named Scotty. He always comes in and tries to lurk out in the back offices. Make sure he doesn’t go back there, keep him in the front of the shop or let him skate the mini ramp, ONLY.” “Ok”, I thought, “who is this kid and how often will I have to be bothered by his curiosity?” Jeremy was right about Scotty, he was a lurker and extremely inquisitive about all that was going on in that skate shop as well as the rest of his environment. Well, I met Scotty in ‘97 and we became close friends and now he’s like a brother to me. What do I remember about Scotty from back in the day? Well, he loved food, he was not scared of anything, his forearms were constantly swollen and oozing liquids from taking some of the hardest slams I have personally witnessed, and his first car was pretty stellar. What about Scotty has changed since the late 90’s? Absolutely nothing, besides a few car changes, and that’s why I love him.

Scotty The Body, El Cuerpo, Scotty Taco Nacho, Nacho Taco Scotty, Body Too Hottie, The Bod, Bod-O, Scotty Kronly…These are most of your AKA’s. Are there any AKA’s that I failed to mention and which AKA is your favorite? Also, I’ve heard you introduce yourself to some beautiful women as “The Body”, and your friends have also introduced you in this fashion. Have these introductions ever secured a feminine prize that your yang was yearning
for?

As far as other AKA's there’s a million variations, most of whichstem from the root word "body". I grew up as a huge wrestling fan in theera of Jessie "The Body" Ventura and obviously Scotty and “body” rhyme so I adopted the name. But it wasn’t until I started skating with you, JasonSink, and Ashley Albritton until the name started to flourish. You guys started calling me "big body Scotty", "wide body Scotty", and then Sloane would call me simply "fat Scotty". As my weight would fluctuate, so would the nicknames. "Mids Body", "Regs Body" and so on, until I simply became "The Body". Now I could be called "Bod-o chron-o", "Bodychronics", "Body Kong" and so forth. New names pop up erratically butthe body remains the same. Favorite nickname? That’s like asking parentswhich is there favorite kid. They all mean something to me and remind of the time, place, person, and event that inspired the nickname. As for the ladies, I try not to introduce myself as The Body, but it happens. More so with my friends who say something like "hey I’m Tommy, and this is my friend The Body”. Then they ask why is my nickname The Body, and I pull up my shirt for ‘em real quick and let ‘em know. Then I might mention something about inertia and the amount of force my hips can create. They either get scared or psyched after that. It isn’t an entirely effective way to pick up girls, but it’s worked a few times.

Your facial hair farming techniques have always been an attribute that I revered. What is the longest period of time you withheld the razor from your facial locks, have you ever discovered something in your lion’s mane that didn’t belong there and or that stupefied you, and how does your brush feel in FL’s amazing summer humidity?

Thank you for the compliment. I feel my beard is my most distinguishing feature. I think my most elongated farming efforts were 2 1/2 years of the hair and maybe a year and some change on the face. My current beard was planted on new years of this year so we're looking at 8 months currently. I honestly don’t know how I made it through the summer. It was a scorcher. As far as finding shit in my hair, I hid some blunts in there once to sneak into a Wu-Tang show and that worked out pretty well. My hair is so heavy it keeps them in place quite nicely. My brush feels awesome. I like brushing my mop regularly and brushing out the beard really enhances the volume.

You have been hustling cotton since 2003, which could possibly qualify you as an O.G., an OriGinal Peddler. Please enlighten us with your sales pitch, company background, and future goals.

SHAQUEEFA is a company I started on accident when I helped this girl Jillian move. She wrote that name on a headband with puffy paint and I told her she could give that to me as payment for my services. I wore that thing everywhere and people would ask what it was, what it meant, and where it came from. I had no answers. Eventually I would startwriting it in as a sponsor when I skated contests, and tell people it was the hottest new shit on the streets. And somehow they bought it. Hype grew. People wanted SHAQUEEFA. So I made some janky stencils, spray painted them on inside out t-shirts, and started giving it to them. I don’t really have a sales pitch, just got lucky and found the right name and figured out the best graphic to go with that name. Now I print on new shirts, sell to skate shops, and am starting to get involved in the local fashion scene. As for the future, I have no clue. I guess I want to sell more shirts, get in some more skate shops, and make enough money to break Jillian off for the name I took from her. Where is that chick at anyway?

I have seen you consume thousands of pounds of food with a constant smile embedded in your mane. What is your all time favorite food and are there any types of food, perhaps specific to a certain culture, which you’re likely to pass on? Are there any countries you would like to visit specifically for their cuisine?

Top three foods of all time are sushi, burritos, and buffalo wings. I love that shit. As far as stuff I won’t eat, I absolutely hate cole slaw, cool whip, jello, cake frosting, and pretty much anything with that soft consistency. Ricotta and cottage cheese are a no-go. When my mom makes lasagna she has to make a special corner without that disgusting cheese so I will consume it. Solid cheese is cool, but that cheese whiz out of the spray-can can save it. I would love to go to Japan so I can eat sushi without the influence of the west, you know? See how they make it on their own turf. Nepal would be tight, I ate at this Nepalese place in SF and it was very delicious, with their curries and rice. I’m still on the search for a buffalo wing too hot for my taste, but that hasn’t happened yet. But, I have definitely tasted the best as far as burritos go; Mission St., SF, hands down.

Ok Scotty. Some readers may misinterpret these questions as me, the interviewer, prodding and poking at you perhaps in a bully-like manner. However, this is not the case and I’m sure you’re the last person to decipher my thoughts as rascal rhetoric. With that said, I would like to give you this opportunity to expose me via an anecdote or an adventure from the past. Please keep it PG-13 since I’d like to maintain my respect for my missus and my future seeds.

I’m just glad that you live in SF, don’t have a car, and retired the title of “Captain Swerve.” That was my nickname for you when you would drive us all home drunk from Ybor because me and Robby Kirks did not have cars at the time we all lived together. But you weren’t gonna let that ruin a good time. Remember when Robby puked in your car? He just lifted his shirt up and caught it. He was so proud that he didn’t get any of it on your interior. Then he held the shirt with the puke trapped inside it all the way home.

Yes, I remember Robby vomiting in my car and containing it in his shirt like a champ. But unfortunately, I can’t seem to recall some of those drunken drives down the interstate. Drinking and driving is bad, kids.

Artwork: Adam Burgess

Mug shot: Steven Ayers

Thrash Photos: Ragin Asian