05 November 2009

Brett "Maiximus" Davis

Brett Davis reminds me of an Andean Condor; they both have wing spans larger than seven feet and they skirt the coasts of Central America. The Andean Condor is the largest flying land bird in the Western Hemisphere and Brett is my largest friend in the Western Hemisphere. Brett’s desire to hunt for pristine beaches with surfable waves, meat on sticks, and contently delighted locals could parallel the Andean Condor’s sporadic bouts of foraging for food and their preferred perches in the raw Andes. In flight, an Andean Condor gracefully glides in circles, riding the wind, propelled by natural forces that have the power of destruction. Brett, like the Andean Condor, floats atop a natural substance stylishly, poised with agility moving in oval-like patterns, to and fro, while in control. The oceans, Brett’s favored transmission mediums, also have the power of summoning large volumes of water and displacing them in harbors or on beaches, reeking havoc and devastation, similar to it’s sister’s temperament, the wind. Other than admiring Brett for his animal instincts, I also respect him for the man he is, any advice he’s given me, and for letting me rent a room from him for next to nothing. Mr. Davis, I hope to be on the beach with you sooner than later, basking in the sun, enjoying the ocean, and living for the moment.

Mr. Davis, I have bombed hills on my skateboard with the aid of gravity and my massive 160 pound frame, and easily clocked 30 mph, or 48 kph, with tears lining my face from the increase in wind pressure on my fair green eyes. My steel framed bicycle weighted with my sack of bones and propelled by the inertia from my chicken legs has more than likely topped my thrashing speed, thus thrusting me forward in time at a decent pace of about 40 mph, 64 kph. Both speeds have been experienced on concrete in San Francisco, and for most of the journeys I was in complete control. However, I have never been launched in to motion by a disturbance in space and time via the transference of energy, or simply put, a surface wave. You on the other hand have experienced all aforementioned means of transportation. What country’s coastline and ocean delivered the largest wave that managed your being, how lofty was it, and what was that feeling like? Also, have you ever been tickled by a 3 layered rack of teeth, sharper than razors and blood thirsty, backed by eyes as black as onyx with a body mass reaching up to 16 feet in length?
If my memory serves me correct, I would have to say the last trip to El Salvador 2 years ago would claim that title. It was a solid 8ft+ wave and perfect. I pretty much said a “Hail Mary” and went for it and somehow didn’t drown. Last winter in PR the waves got pretty big too. I just remember feeling like I would never get to the bottom of the wave and that it was definitely the fastest my 200lb frame has ever moved as a result of Mother Nature. As for close encounters with Florida’s state fish, there have been a number of close calls. However, this year there has been an overabundance of baitfish in the water so I feel like the odds are in my favor. Until I lose an appendage I am going to just assume it was a sea turtle. Ignorance is bliss.
Brettacus, you have been exploring Central America and the Caribbean and from what I can recall you’re having an irie time closer to the equator. I on the other hand have only been to Tijuana twice, for a total of 10 hours, which is not quite centralized enough to even remotely claim as a stopover to the Americas’ intermediate. Let me recap what I’ve collected on Tijuana; Tijuana serves staple Mexican food and beer, taxis are said to be equivalent to pharmaceutical depots, and the nightlife is saturated with fallen women, dancehalls and hideaways, and cheese. Does this brief description sound similar to what you’ve experienced down south, and what about the Americas’ mid section are you keen on?
Central America is pretty much all the same. Greedy crooked police that have no problem telling you your tags on your rental car are expired… $20 later and you are on your way, questionable drinking water, tasty tall cans with names we gringos just can’t seem to pronounce correctly, and just an overall great time. I think what keeps me coming back, aside from the tasty waves and amazing beans and rice with every meal, is how simple life is. It makes you realize how much we don’t need the strip malls, rare Nike collabo dunks, and LCD TV’s in every bedroom/bathroom in your overpriced home tucked away in the gated community, in order to be happy. The focus is more about family, friends, and enjoying life. I love how some of the poorest people living in tin shacks maintain such a strong pride and genuine love for their country and would give the shirt off their back if they felt you needed it.

Your current family, on the books, is recorded at 2.0; Brett + Riley (0.5) + Bella (0.5) = 2.0. When I was first moved in with your family, your children were so excited about me returning home that they would nip at my ankles and shower me with licks. Then after your dogs were acclimated to my scent and the soothing sound of my voice, they fought one another to receive my attention and a possible place on the couch next to my warm skinny leg. Other than devoting equal amounts of attention to your kids, what are some obstacles you’ve encountered since becoming a parent, and were these hurdles expected or unforeseen?
No doubt they are strange dogs! Corgis are affected by a form of dwarfism, which is so random. My biggest obstacles have really been trying to pawn them off on one of my friends when I need to go out of town and really understanding what it is they are trying to say when they just stare relentlessly at you; “Do you want me to let you outside so you can eat dirt or are you wondering why your arms and legs are so short and you are covered with hair?” All valid questions. These dogs were a gift in every sense of the word and I am very fortunate to have such amazing roommates who never seem to mind the fact that they have to sleep and eat all their meals on the ground.
A few weeks ago you sent me an email stating that you were going to a Motorhead concert, you’ve also recommended a Bob Marley biography, and prior to that I remember listening to Boogie Down Productions in your whip. I just mentioned three dissimilar musicians spanning three diverse music genres, and all three artists come correct with clout respective to their styles. So, if the readers don’t realize that your taste in music is wider than a Blue Whale’s belly, they better pick up a whale watching book and do the math. With that said, are you looking forward to any new releases, concerts, shows, or do you have any new or old musical interests that you’d like to mention?
I like music in all shapes and forms most likely due to growing up watching skate videos all day which allowed me to be exposed to a wide array of music. From Neil Young to Nasty Nas, it’s all good. I can identify so many periods of my short existence on this earth to different albums/songs. Lately I’ve been pretty psyched on the new Raekwon album and I recently saw the Iron Maiden “Flight 666” documentary, which was time well spent. Thank God for Iron Maiden! Unfortunately, I really can’t think of anything that stands out with the exception of the classics. I guess I am still a bit keen to the 70’s era Classic Rock (Sabbath, Stones, etc), 80’s Punk Rock/Metal (7 Seconds, Bad Religion, Samhain), and late 80’s early 90’s Hip Hop (Gangstarr, Hiero, G Rap). Not to say there hasn’t been anything good since then it’s just I always find myself going back to the albums that have stood the test of time.


And finally, Mr. Davis, your couch was lucky enough to be included in some fine conversations amongst a solid group of individuals. Topics ranging from art, hurricane forecasts, music, horse shoe throwing techniques, shoes, beer, stories of getting kicked out of the Czar, parasites, surfing, 48 hour trips to the Left Coast, YBor drama, thoughts of opening retail stores, skateboarding, and more parasites. Out of all these amazing dialogues that I participated in or listened to in an inebriated state, one topic that was drilled into my mental was your prophecy of retiring around the age of 50. The current demographics and statistics point to a retirement age of 65, and even at 65, white men, such as you, will most likely live to be 75, on average. Therefore, if you retire at the youthful age of 50, it will be as if you just got out of school again, and everyone asks “so, what will you do now?” So, Brett, what will you do when you retire?
The state of retirement in the US does tend to keep me up at night. However at the age of 50 I see myself swimming through stacks of Benjamin’s since I plan on winning Powerball in the very near future. As Craig would say, “ballin!”. I can pretty much guarantee I will be located somewhere in a tropical environment, hopefully with a hill nearby to bomb and a beach with people selling chicken on a stick. Where I will not be is the suburbs, prison, Pinellas Park, or trying to keep up with the Joneses.

No comments:

Post a Comment